


Falling out of love and back again

by My_Coffee_Is_Hot_Chocolate



Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Buttons has a kid, Cheating, Drinking, F/M, Forgiveness, M/M, Post-Break Up, Ryan is the best thing in our lives, Spot is justified, Yes that's a reference to Congratulations, teen for swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 18:04:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16602914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Coffee_Is_Hot_Chocolate/pseuds/My_Coffee_Is_Hot_Chocolate
Summary: Spot had never expected something like this from Buttons of all people.Warnings in the tags





	Falling out of love and back again

Spot had never expected something like this from Buttons of all people. Well, he guessed he should have. 

Buttons had a fucking kid. Not even a year old. Buttons and Spot? Dating for almost five years. 

And now that the kid's mom was dead, Buttons had to care for it. And Spot hadn't been made aware of the kid until he came home and Buttons was trying to get the baby to eat. 

He guessed that was what Buttons was doing now, three days later. Spot had moved back in with his adopted brother Jack while he looked for his own place. 

That was until Jack opened the door to reveal a exhausted, tear stained Buttons holding the baby. Which he shoved at Jack, dropped a bag of baby stuff, mumbled that he'd be back later, and closed the door. Jack was too shocked and busy trying to comfort the wailing baby to go after him. 

Spot was concerned and curious. But first, the baby. It was crying loud enough to wake up the whole building. How the hell did they get it to be quiet?!

Spot took the baby from Jack and tried the bottle, the pacifier, the toys in the bag, changing it's diaper -turned out the baby was a boy- and just about everything. Spot was slowly going insane. 

He tried one last thing. He rocked the baby and talked quietly like they did on TV. And it worked. Enough that he fell asleep. 

Spots on the couch, baby still in his arms. Now that it wasn't screaming, he could actually see that it was very clearly related to Buttons. It's short hair was brown and soft in appearence. When it's eyes had been open, one was brown just like Buttons. The other was more amber. But it very definitely had his eyes.

But this was Buttons’ kid. And Spot may have loved Buttons, but this kid was the result of Buttons cheating. This wasn't and probably would never be Spot's responsibility after today. He and Buttons were over.

Buttons stumbled back hours later. In that time Spot read articles and watched videos and he was pretty sure he could care for this kid for however long.

Buttons probably couldn't when he came back anyways. He was still drunk. Jack felt with him thankfully. “Buttons!”

Buttons winced. “Ey…”

Jack crossed his arms. “Buttons, you dropped your kid off here and you run off and get drunk?”

Buttons looked down. He was still wobbling, probably drunk off his ass. Spot wouldn't trust him with the kid. And he decided to say so.

“I'm gonna take care of the kid until Buttons sobers up.” He said, and they both looked at him in shock. Buttons probably hadn't noticed Spot was there and Jack was surprised Spot was volunteering to take care of Buttons’ kid. Spot had basically no obligation to help beyond what he'd had with Buttons. 

Jack nodded though. “Okay. Buttons, c'mon, let's get you some water and sober you up.”

'Sobering up’ took longer and longer to happen. Every night it seemed Spot was called to help with the baby who Buttons had dropped off at some random friend's apartment. The baby turned into a two year old, then a toddler, then a pre-schooler. Spot got to the point where he moved back in to care for the kid.

The kid’s name was Ryan, quickly nicknamed Bean by the friend group because of how small he was. And while Buttons was gone half the time and drunk the other half, Spot became more of a father to a kid he had no investment in at first. Whenever Buttons was back, Ryan wasn’t allowed to see him. He barely even knew who Buttons was, aside from Spot’s brief explanations of who he’d been at one point. 

Thankfully Ryan was at Jack’s for a sleepover with his and Davey’s daughter, Katie, when Buttons came home in tears. He slept on the couch now, he never got to the hall anyways. He was unshaven and sometimes Spot wondered if the old Buttons was still there, hidden under the beard and shaggy hair. 

And that night Spot, like he usually did about once every few months, got fed up. He stopped Buttons when he came through the door. “Again?”

Buttons sighed. “Spot-”

“No. I know I’ve said this dozens of times but I am SICK of this. You have a son, Buttons, and he’s more mine then yours now.” Spot poked his chest with every word. “You don’t even know him, do you even remember his name!” 

Buttons looked down and shook his head. He barely even remembered what Ryan looked like, and he doubted that Ryan knew what he looked like. He hadn’t seen his son in years. In a way, Buttons resented him. His very existence was the point where his life turned down.

But he’d gotten over that and now? He was just sad and alone like he deserved.  
Spot crossed his arms when Buttons got lost in his own head. “Buttons!” He said harshly to snap him out of it. “I am not doing this alone anymore. You are shaving, get a haircut, and sober the hell up. Then you are eating breakfast like a normal human being.”

Buttons cringed. “I-”

Spot grabbed his shoulders. “You are not getting out of this.” He glared up at him. “Now you are sleeping in a real god damn bed, c’mon. When’s the last time you changed?”

 

Buttons shrugged and Spot sighed and dragged him to what used to be their room. “Get changed, don’t come out until you’re in something clean.”

15 minutes later Spot heard, “I’m gay.” from the bedroom. Spot sighed in exasperation, some things never changed.

Buttons joined him on the couch in something not filthy. He didn’t smell horrible anymore at least. Spot grabbed his arm to get him to the room and deposit him in bed. Buttons took a few minutes to fall asleep once Spot lay down. Spot stayed up a lot longer, watching him. 

Was this really the same person he’d fallen in love with once apon a time? It felt like he couldn’t be, he was nothing like the person he once was anymore. But the dumbass had changed so much, and he was so different. But so was Spot, Spot had changed into a father and Buttons had changed into his father. 

But maybe it wasn’t too late. 

Spot fell asleep around 10, in contrast to Buttons’ 8. Spot still woke up early enough to get Buttons cleaned up. Starting with getting him water and advil. Then he was taking a shower and shaving if Spot had anything to say about it. 

Buttons stumbled into the kitchen about half an hour later. Spot glared at him. “Shaving, then breakfast Button Boy.” Buttons gave him the most deadpan look, but he got back up again. 

Half an hour later Buttons came back again, his face shaven and his har messily cut. But he looked closer to his old self save the hollow cheeks andlook. 

Spot checked the time. Time to pick up Ryan, and introduce him to his father. “You, stay. I’m going to introduce you to your own son.” 

Spot agonized over how he was going to do it the entire drive. What was he going to tell Ryan? How was he going to explain to Ryan any of this?

He tried not to seem too worried when he picked up Ryan from Jack’s. 

Ryan barreled into him. “Papa!!” For a 4 year old, Ryan was very fast. Spot didn’t even have time to bend down to catch him before he was hugging his legs. “I had so much fun! Can I stay a little longer? Uncle Jack is letting me and Katie paint!”

Spot smiled a little. “Sorry kiddo, we gotta get home. Will mac&cheese make it better?” 

Ryan smiled again. “It will! Bye Katie! Bye Uncle Jack! Bye Uncle Davey!” He waved goodbye all the way down the hall as Katie hung out the door to wave goodbye as well. 

Ryan talked the entire drive, telling Spot all about the sleepover and how awesome Uncle Jack was and how Uncle Davey had been exasperated with them all because they’d all stayed up late watching movies. 

Spot smiled as he listened. He loved Ryan, a lot. And he was damn happy that he’d had such a good time, he didn’t want to ruin it. 

Ryan bounced out of the car when he was unbuckled from the car seat. “What’s for lunch? Can we have lunch now? Can we have peanut butter and jelly?” He waited for Spot to unlock the door. 

Spot hesitated a second before opening the door. “Buddy, there’s somethin’ I gotta tell you before you go in there, okay?”

Ryan looked up at him, curious in the way most little kids are. “What’s in there? A dinosaur? A dog? A cat? A surprise party?”

Spot sighed. “Your dad, he’s.. He’s home and he looks a bit different, okay?” 

Ryan nodded again, more curious now. “Daddy?” 

Spot nodded. “Daddy. C’mon, let’s get inside. Too cold out here for lil’ guys like us.” He would sacrifice his own pride for that kid, including admitting he was short. Ryan smiled and darted inside before Spot.

Spot only hoped Buttons had stayed. 

Spot saw Buttons in the kitchen, avoiding looking at Ryan. Ryan however seemed confused. Once Spot entered he glued himself to his side. “Who’s that?” He asked quietly. 

Spot gently picked him up. “That’s your dad. Ben, this is your son. Ryan. Ryan, meet your dad.” Ryan waved nervously, and Buttons nodded. He still looked nervous around his own son. Spot put Ryan down. “C’mon kid, let’s watch some TV.” He gestured for Buttons to follow. 

Buttons nervously sat next to Spot, away from Ryan. Spot put his arm around Buttons, holding him in place and at the same time as offering comfort. 

He tried to pretend that the last few years hadn’t happened. That he and Spot were still together, and he was him because it was movie night and that’s what they did, held each other and laughed at the terrible movies they both loved. 

Spot tried to imagine what it would have been like if he just stayed that day. He’d still have Ryan, but he’d also have Buttons. They’d be.. A family maybe? Him and Buttons, sitting on this very couch, still with Ryan, and he’d kiss Buttons and it’d be normal. They’d be together. 

They all sat together, the two adults lost in their fantasies of normality and what may have been. 

Spot only snapped out of his when he realized it was time to start dinner. He got up, startling Buttons. Buttons, not sure how to be alone with Ryan, left with him until Spot dragged him back. “You stay.”

Buttons looked up at him, confused, until Spot elaborated. “You and kitchens don’t mix, remember?”

Of course Buttons remembered. He was hopeless in kitchens, he’d always mess something up. So Buttons stayed on the couch, watching the show on the TV until he realized what it was. Oh hell no, Ryan was not watching Steven Universe. Buttons had seen some of the episodes and just.. No. Besides the animation was driving him nuts. So he turned it off. “That’s enough TV.”

Ryan looked back at him with a hurt look. “Daaaddddd…” He whined, almost begging him to put it back on. 

Buttons held firm. “No. Let’s find something on Netflix.”

They did, and they watched Puffin Rock until Spot called them for dinner. It felt so normal it both Buttons and Spot nearly had whiplash. It was so normal Buttons almost leaned over to kiss Spot hello, like they used to. So normal Spot almost leaned in to accept it. 

But that wasn’t the norm anymore. And now it was awkward. 

Dinner was strangely quiet from Buttons’ end of the table. Ryan and Spot had a full conversation about peanut butter and bananas vs peanut butter and fluff. PB&J was decided best before the conversation so it was exempt. 

Listening to them talk, Buttons knew it was his own fault he wasn’t part of that. If he’d been a decent father, it could have been him and Ryan debating this. If he’d been a good father, maybe he could have won Spot back. Maybe they would be a family. 

But it was too late. He’d ruined everything, what was the point of trying anymore? So he sat in silence and listened. Waiting for them to get up so he could disappear. And Ryan did get up to go play with some toys. Spot stayed. 

After five minutes Buttons stood up and Spot did to. An he got frustrated. “Spot, just go okay?”

Spot crossed his arms. “You aren’t going out.” He’d given in every time before. He wouldn’t this time. 

Buttons clenched his fists. “Let me go Spot.”

“No.”

“You had no issue letting me go, you had no issue leaving yourself.”

Spot tensed. “That was a damn low blow. And it won’t work. You’re staying.” 

“No I’m not.” Buttons didn’t move however. “And it’s true. You stayed long enough to pack a bag and then you were gone, poof!” He made a ‘poof’ motion with his hands. 

Spot slammed his hands on the table. “You fucking slept with another person! And out of that a kid happened! What did you expect me to do, say it’s okay?! I’ve excused a lot of shit Buttons, but that was the fucking limit.”

“I tried to apologize! I tried for days!”

“You didn’t tell me when it happened. If you’d told me, maybe we could have worked this out. And maybe I would have taken you having a kid better. But guess what, you didn’t!” 

“Because…” Buttons faltered. Spot had a point. “I was going to.” He tried weakly. It was no defense. 

“Really? That’s all you have to say, ‘I was going to’. When?! Never? 10 years? 20?”

Buttons looked down. “I know I am so far into the wrong here. I know I am.”

Spot glared at him. “You’re just seeing this?”

“No, I have been seeing this for six years. And I’m so so sorry Spot.”

“Sorry doesn’t even come close to cutting it. Three days after I leave, you dump your kid on me, who I wanted nothing to do with, and basically abandoned him.” 

Buttons went quiet.

“And guess what? For five years I have been taking care of that kid, raising him as my own. And I’ve been taking care of you because you’re too drunk! And I refuse to watch you do this to yourself anymore, because you’re slowly killing yourself.”

Spot watched Buttons shrink a little.

“And I used to love you. And maybe I can again. But what’s not a maybe is that I will not lose you. And I can forgive you, maybe. But I’d like you to be alive for it.”

Spot saw Buttons’ shoulders start to shake. And he walked around the table and gently hugged Buttons as he cried.

**Author's Note:**

> Please please comment. And I can be persuaded to make a happier second part! Please ask me on Tumblr.  
> I'm @i-guarantee


End file.
